Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
