Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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