Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
