:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
