Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
