Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
this will be a night to untag.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
