I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
