hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
