Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm passing your future prison.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
