there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
