How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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