I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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