You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
