You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
