Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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