Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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