i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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