It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
