i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
