Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
