A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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