i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
