I could have mohawked her pubes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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