Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
