your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
