doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
