party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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