I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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