omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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