theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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