I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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