rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
