Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
