moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ketchup is God's man juice
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
