were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
