I need help removing her.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sobbing to NWA
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I did not marry a roomba.
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