I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
