i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
