There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
