its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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