I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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