in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
