I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
