reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
