The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
