If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
