If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
