You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm like, not good at living.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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