I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
