are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
