I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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