Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
