i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
