i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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