I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
