Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
