The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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