Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
