The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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