apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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