I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
