I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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