Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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