Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
