your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
