you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
