My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
