He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
