'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
