fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
