Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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