I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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