Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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