You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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