Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
