I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love having hate sex.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
