My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
