ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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