i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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