I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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